you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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