What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i believe in u and ur pee
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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