So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
