I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
