I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
the gays at disneyland are vicious
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
