I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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