Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
