When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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