found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
