he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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