This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
