you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
