I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
