Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
