She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Operation Purity has been aborted
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
