I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
