we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
