I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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