then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the day after is always just damage control
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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