You're completely useless in the revolution.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
