Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
