I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
