READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
