well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
