so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
