I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
