He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
