i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Even my vagina gasped.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
