I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
