life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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