I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
