I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
