i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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