Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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