How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
