I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
