It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
