you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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