broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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