I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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