The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
