i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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