I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
