You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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