She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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