did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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