we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
