Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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