I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
