At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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