windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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