smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You are a genius and a whore.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
