Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
NoShamevember. You game?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
