Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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